Amaranthine Dream
by Sceaduw
Summary: Will Road ever find him again?


Disclaimer: I do not own the Dgrayman characters, they belong to Katsura Hoshino. This is done solely for the sake of fan-girlism.

Forewords: My attempt to write from Road's point of view. How she feels towards Neah and what she now feels about Allen.  
>Spoiler alert: from the Third Exorcists Arc (the part on Kanda and Alma) to recent chapters.<br>Warning: story contains the idea of incest, but no explicit stuff.

I tried a new formatting to the story, and I hope it will be easier for readers to read. This story is weird, but as always, feedbacks and comments are welcomed and appreciated. :3

**Amaranthine Dream**

_by Sceaduw_

She knew her time was up. Again. She found herself on her way back to her wonderland. Her lonely playground where her true form dwelled. In her dreamland, blood could be turned to wine, tears generated from dust. But not here, not now. Road widened her eyes at the exorcist as her body started to crumble. She felt pain. That was odd. Her body was not real in this world. But she was certain that was pain. She knew it was real because she had felt it before thirty-five years ago.

Stretching out her arm towards the boy, dark smithereens dispersed in the air as she moved. Her arm was no longer here to reach out with. Seeing the shock on Allen Walker's face, she couldn't help but burst out into a hysterical laughter. Where were tears when she needed them? If one couldn't cry, one could only laugh. The harder she laughed, the faster her body deteriorated. Ashes scattered and vanished, until she stopped laughing finally.

"A-al-len... Wal-ker-"  
><em>… Neah... <em>

Road released her last breath and she felt her body exploded. Then everything was calm and peaceful again.

Was he the one she had been searching for all these years? Her beloved brother. Her dearest Neah. Yes, he had to be! She could feel him there. Allen Walker must be Neah. Neah was reincarnated into this boy. This game of hide and seek was getting too long. Road was beginning to worry whether she would lose. She couldn't lose now. She had found him. She just needed him to reveal himself... and admit he had lost.

Road touched her lips as she laid on her back on the roof. She then reached out to the starry sky above. There she saw the full moon that Neah had wished for. A creation made just for him. She had kept her kingdom exactly the same as it was when Neah was here. Even though he was no longer there, she could feel his presence lingering. Among the woodlands they had played in, among the streets they had walked through hand-in-hand, among the rooftops they had danced on, and especially on this white rooftop of her castle. He kissed her here. She sat up and pulled up her knees. Closing her eyes, she cuddled herself. she could almost hear his lullaby in the soft breeze.

"Road-"

How long had she slept? Road sprang to her feet as she heard the Earl called out to her. His voice was like a gentle thunder, humming through the night sky.

"Road, my dear, come to me now."

"Yes, my Earl."

Road replied without hesitation. There could never be any objection to the Earl. That would be blasphemy. As part of the Noah family, she must not say no. But she did once. She did once and she lost Neah. As a punishment, the Earl had locked her true form in her dreams. She did once not obey and she also lost herself. But the Earl was only doing what he could still do. She understood the Earl was just trying to protect her. From herself.

"Hello Road, have you all recovered?"

"Earl! I'm all better!"

Road hugged onto the Earl when she arrived at where the family was gathering. She still felt weak but her virtual body had fully regenerated. Flawless as always, not a single scratch on her skin. Her true body was unharmed, safely preserved in her dreamland. She was a perfect doll.

"I hope you do, Road. I hope you do. Because it's time!"

Road tilted her head and looked on with interest.

"It's time for all your awakenings. See our brothers and sisters here!"

Awakening? Was it time already? So that meant Neah's hide and seek game was coming to an end finally! Time for Neah to reveal himself. Road giggled brightly as the other Noahs came up to greet her. She glanced around but she could not see the one she was hoping for. The last one to join them was Wisley, the Demon Eye. Road saw the teen gave her a wicked grin and she looked away. Yes, Wisley would know by the power of his Demon Eye.

"Road, have you been like this all these years?"

Road was surprised when Wisley came to her and asked. She let him patted her on the head as if she was a small child. Everyone loved to do that, despite the fact that she was the eldest of them all. Not counting the Millennium Earl of course.

"I like to remain this way."

"Oh? Really-"  
>S<em>o you won't be an old woman when Neah reincarnated? Don't tell me you're still waiting for him?<em>

Road continued to look around, ignoring Wisley. So Neah had decided not to come back to the Noahs. She smiled.

_It's okay to cry you know, Road._

_Wisley, you know I can't._

_Your thoughts are hurting me._

_No one invited you in._

_I'm just worried about you, Road!_

_That won't be necessary, Wisley. _

"Say, don't you think he looks just like him?"

Road turned towards Wisley's question. The teen gestured at Tyki Mikk. She frowned. So the psychic noticed. Before Wisley started bringing other Noahs' attention to it, she had to stop him. She did something she would refuse to do thirty-five years ago. She asked him nicely.

"Please Wisley, everyone has forgotten what happened thirty-five years ago. Perhaps just the Earl, me and you still know. Please, just keep quiet on it. For me?"

Road gave a sigh of relieve when Wisley knowingly nodded. Although Wisley loved to play tricks on the others, she had always trusted him to be sensible when it came to serious matters.

"So, what're you going to do now, Road?"

"I-"

"We'll go retrieve our boy! We'll get Allen Walker expelled out of Black Order!"

Both Noahs were surprised by the Earl's sudden statement. Road didn't notice the Earl was aware of their little conversation. Her face lit up with a shade of anxiousness.

_What then after we retrieve Allen Walker? _

She felt a hand on her shoulder. It was Wisley. He gave the girl a pat of reassurance.

"It's alright, Road. We will all go retrieve him," he said.

Watching everyone being assigned their missions, Road waited for her own. As expected, she was assigned to stay with the Earl, while Wisley set a trap for the exorcists.

"We're all tired of waiting for little Neah to return, right? My dear Road. This must come to an end."

"Yes, my Earl."

"This act must end before we can hoist the curtains for our next one!"

Road didn't understand. She thought the Earl hated Neah. He hated Neah for what he had done. Why didn't the Earl just kill Allen Walker when he had a chance? The Earl had said so himself, he didn't know why he didn't finish off the boy back then. It didn't seem Allen would be on their side to fight against the Vatican anyway. So what's the point in getting the exorcist to him? Why would the Earl wanted to do that?

And definitely, the Earl would not be getting Neah back for her sake. It was the Earl himself who separated them thirty-five years ago. Did the Earl loathed Neah so much that he had to awaken him from Allen Walker only to kill him again? That didn't seem like it either.

"Come on now, we've got to get the stage ready for the show!"

Road followed the Earl and Wisley in silence. Although it had been some time since she last saw Allen Walker, his face, his voice, his touch were vivid in her mind. She found herself actually attracted to the exorcist, not because he was her enemy but because he was someone special. She still couldn't believe she had kissed him in the real world. Lucky for her that Lero and Tyki promised to keep quiet on it.

"Road, wait a minute," said the Earl.

He instructed Wisley to go ahead off to the Black Order headquarters in North America first with another two Noah brothers. Road overheard that they would use the Order's own creations from the Second Exorcist Program to awaken the fourteenth. She heard two names, Kanda Yu and Alma Karma. Kanda Yu was Allen Walker's friend. She gave a shiver, thinking what would be Allen's reactions. The Earl then turned to her and she gave him a light smile.

"My dear Road, are you still upset with me?"

"What are you talking about, Earl?"

"What happened to Neah-"

"My Earl, you did what you have to do."

"Then am I forgiven?"

"What do you mean, Earl? I don't-"

Road paused. She felt frightened by the Earl's gentle voice. What was he going to do? He was just going to retrieve Allen Walker and awaken Neah, wasn't he?History was the last thing she wanted to see repeating.

"I have always loved you, my Earl."

"I love you two...," whispered the Earl as he patted her on the head. Then he said something which was muffled by the wind as he turned to walk on.

Road thought she heard him apologized but she found that impossible. The Earl was never wrong in anything. Not even at that time when he destroyed Neah. Neah was the condemnable one. He shouldn't have locked her in his secret chamber when he went out to slay their family. Neah was the wicked one! If she had known, she would have stopped him. She loved Neah but she also loved her family. She understood the Earl had tried to stop everything from the very beginning. It was her who encouraged Neah on the path of no return. She shouldn't have invited him to her dreams and he shouldn't have let her into his secret chamber.

"You're still weak, Road. Take some rest before we get there."

Road felt her face, there were tears rolling down her face. She looked around and found herself inside Neah's room. The white, sacred room. No, this was her dream, her realm. She had recreated Neah's room inside her territory after the massacre. She could not return to his room so she made one herself. The Earl must have sent her back to dream world. It would be easier for the Earl to carry her in his pocket as he traveled around if she was in her virtual plush doll form. Fine, not that she would mind.

She strolled around Neah's room, reminiscing the melodies he had created for her. The piano she had recreated looked exactly the same as his. The little scratch near the last key, a tiny dent at the top, the rusty pedal below. The only difference was, this piano was mute. No matter how magical Road's dreamland was, she could not create music from the piano. The same as she could not recreate 'Neah' in her dreams. She stood in front of an old mirror on the wall, watching the reflection inside. The girl in the mirror had not changed for the past thirty-five years. When Neah awakened, she could be sure he would recognize her right away.

Ever since she met Allen Walker in the real world, she had not came to this room. Was it fate that Allen came to play Neah's melody, on Neah's piano, in Neah's room without knowing anything? So the Earl told the other Noahs that Allen was the one who Neah passed his music to. But she knew Neah was bonded to Allen Walker. Neah was going to reborn from Allen Walker. Why did Neah refused to show up when everyone was reborn already? Why would he chose to remain as Allen Walker? Didn't he want to come back to her? Or was he still obsessed with this hide and seek game? Road must be the one who find him? Neah promised her, when she found him, he would give her an answer to her question.

Road rubbed her eyes. She could not remember what her question was. Since when did her memory start to fade? All the fights, all the blood sheds with the exorcists, all the new memories with Allen Walker, were eroding her mind. She felt tired. Maybe she would remember it when she saw Neah again. She went over to the couch and tried to sleep. She could never find another place where she could sleep without having nightmares.

.

At last, the game was coming to an end. She had waited so long for this day. For better or for worse, whether the Earl would slay or embrace Neah, she had to see it through this time. If she could not stop Neah, then let her join him. She didn't want to be left behind this time.

Road looked up as Allen Walker and Tyki Mikk dropped in through an ark portal. They landed right on top of the Earl. Road suspected they did that on purpose. Then she realised Wisley gave out a rude snigger and she hit him on the face with her fluffy hand. She tried again to transform back to her body, but she remained in the form of a doll. Her real form was stuck in dreamland and this doll acted as her virtual body here.

"Save it, Road. You know you can't come in from the other side unless the Earl permits you to." Wisley said as he adjusted Road's position on his shoulder. His shoulder was broad enough for a little doll to hang on to firmly. Road would not fall off unless she wriggled around too much. "Besides, I'm on your side."

_What do you mean, Wisley?_

_Just stay still and look out for him, Road._

_Wisley? _

_If you see him, grab him this time. _

Road turned her attention back to Allen Walker. The Earl had had him pinned on the ground. She hoped the Earl wasn't going to break his neck. No, the Earl wouldn't. Not after so much troubles of luring Allen Walker here. The Earl spoke to Allen but his voice was too faint for Road to hear. She just caught one sentence from the Earl.

"You are the Fourteenth himself!"

Allen Walker was not just the one who played the piano. He was the Musician himself. Road felt her heart pounded fiercely. She was right! Neah was inside Allen all this time!

"I know you'd come for me, brother," the teen whispered.

Just as Wisley predicted, Neah appeared.

"Fourteenth!" hissed the Earl.

"This time, I will kill you and become the Millennium Earl myself!" the teen ended the conversation with a smile and a threat.

Road widened her eyes. Although Neah was still using Allen Walker's body, she could tell by his actions. The way he caressed the Earl's face, the way he spoke to the Earl. That was Neah. He had not changed a bit since she last saw him.

_Why Neah? Why do you still wish to kill the Earl? Didn't you fail last time? _

From a distance, she called out to him but Neah couldn't hear her. Then Neah was gone again. Allen Walker had overtaken the body again.

Just when everyone was still confused with what happened, Road felt she was snatched by a gush of wind. She struggled and caught a glimpse of what was holding her. It was Kanda Yu. He was active and not a bit dumbfounded. And he rudely took the little ribbon on Road's dress. Road tried to protest, feeling insulted and embarrassed. How could Kanda did this in front of everyone? And in front of Allen! What was so wrong with him letting his hair down anyway? Why must he tie it up with her ribbon? She heard Sheril scolding Wisley for his inability and then she saw Allen. He was running beside Kanda, trying to figure out what was happening in the Order. They made eye contact and she tried to search for the golden orbs hidden inside.

Could Neah see her from within? If he could, he could only see her in her doll form. She wanted to see him, to hear him, and to touch him. She longed to be heard by, spoken to, and touched by him. But Road knew it would be impossible, not when the Earl was around. She already knew that thirty-five years ago. That was when Road created her own realm and Neah his own room. They had their secret meeting place. So secret that not even the Earl had known. Road instinctively stretched out to Allen but she was dropped onto the ground. She thought she heard the swordsman gave out a grunt as he dropped her. If Sheril didn't direct their attention to the awakening Alma, she would be trampled over by the running guys.

Road knew the story of the Second Exorcist Program. She was there when that generation of scientists were annihilated. Both Kanda Yu and Alma Karma had grown up alot. She should too, if she had not chose to be still in time. Much older too.

She was surprised when Kanda Yu said he didn't know this Alma Karma. How could he not? 'Alma' was the woman 'Kanda' had loved. Or did he not know? If Road was not in her doll form, she would have burst out laughing. For nine years, Kanda Yu had been chasing a ghost. Now, that was pathetic. She didn't feel like pitying her enemies but she too had been chasing a ghost for the past thirty something years. It was only recently she realised 'Allen Walker' was Neah. For a moment, Road thought the whole scene was ironic. The soul of a Noah was hidden inside an exorcist while the soul of an exorcist was hiding inside an Akuma.

Road believed Alma chose to become an Akuma. A suicidal choice but his only choice, if he wished to conceal the soul hidden within him. She didn't understand why. Wouldn't it be easier for them both if Alma just confessed to Kanda about their past? The swordsman should thank the Noahs for letting him and Alma reunite with each other. Well, even if Alma was now an Akuma. Otherwise, heaven knew for how many more years Kanda would chase after the woman in his mind. The Order surely won't tell him the truth. So let the Noahs do the honour. Maybe Allen Walker would change his mind and come with the Noahs after seeing how unholy the Order was. Was that what the Earl had in mind? To convince Allen Walker to come quietly? She wasn't sure, considering Allen's personality. He would do everything he could to help both Alma and Kanda.

Then what was it that the Earl had in mind?

_Hold on tight, Road! You're going in with him! _

Road was deep in thoughts when Wisley interrupted her. The next thing she knew, darkness had engulfed her.

This was Wisley's doings. How dare he did this on purpose? Road found herself dragged into Kanda Yu's memories along with Allen. She was holding onto Allen tightly as both of them fell deeper, passing in-between Kanda's and Alma's memories. It was a good thing she could use her Noah form instead of the doll form here. Just as the Earl had no control within Neah's private chamber and her dreamland, he also had no control inside Wisley's realm. Seeing exoricsts and Innocence compatibles suffering were the best past time for Noahs. The memories would be entertaining to Road if not for the pain Allen was going through. The exorcist was in excruciation when he saw Kanda's gruesome past. Road understood that pain. She experienced that whenever she woke up from her nightmares. The image of the her family being slain by Neah and then Neah's blood dripping from the Earl's sword. She kept telling herself that those were already in the past. There was nothing she could do to stop it. She tried to calm Allen down. She hugged onto him but it was no use. The teen kept screaming, tears streaming down his cheeks. How much emotions did Allen absorb in? It was not anything directly related to him, was it?

"Allen! Stop it! Get a hold of yourself! This is not really happening! This is just Kanda's memory!" Seeing no response from Allen, Road added gravely, "remember who you are! This all happened in the past! There's nothing you can do about it!"

_Remember who you are... Neah... This is not us! This is not what happened to us._

Then, 'Allen' snapped out of it. He looked at Road blankly. Tears were still rolling down. Then 'Allen' said something which she did not expect to hear from him.

"Road, I forgive you, so please also forgive me."

He pulled Road close and planted a kiss on her forehead. And then he was gone. Road looked up and saw Allen's face lit up with shyness. The boy found himself hugging Road too closely and he immediately pushed her away. Road was still too surprised by the kiss to realize she had missed Neah once again. She didn't have much time to think about it further when Allen broke into a fury, breaking out of Wisley's realm with pure violence. The next thing she heard was Wisley's cry. Before she transformed back to a plush doll, she caught a glimpse of Wisley rolling on the ground. He covered his Demon Eye on his forehead with both his hands, shrieking painfully and cursing with anguish.

Road lay limply on the ground when the fight broke out between Kanda and Alma. Allen was too busy to notice her anymore. He tried to stop the two just as the Earl had wanted. Road wanted to stop Allen, before he got himself killed. Come to think of it, the Earl wouldn't have wanted Allen to be killed by the Order, would he? The place was getting dangerous and she tried to avoid being hit by flying rubbles and shattered rocks. She was thankful that the Earl had picked her up, saving her from the chaos. She clung onto the Earl's shoulder and waited with the other Noahs for the events to unfold.

Watching Allen fight, Road tried to figure out why Neah suddenly appeared and disappeared before her. What did he mean by forgiving her? Why didn't Neah just come out of Allen? Why remained as Allen Walker when they all knew he was there? There was no point in hiding anymore when they had found his hiding place.

Unless, Neah wanted to remain as Allen Walker.

Was that it? The meaning of the hide and seek game between Neah and her... Then she had lost. She didn't find Neah but Neah had found her. He had come back to her in the form of Allen Walker since the day she first met the exorcist. Neah won the game. Road failed to notice he was there, right there in front of her. For all these years, was this what Neah had been planning? Trying to come back for her in another man's form? Someone who could love her freely and still have the power to stand up to the Earl? An exorcist? Road couldn't believe this. This was absurd! How much pain did Neah had to endure from Allen's Innocence while he was hiding in the boy?

So this was his answer to her question? She remembered it now.

_Do you love me, not as your sister but as your woman?_

How could Neah do this to her, telling her to love Allen Walker instead? But she did. She did love Allen Walker. But she only loved him because she knew Neah was in him... didn't she? She couldn't accept this. This was outrageous and she could not forgive herself, nor could she forgive Neah for this.

_'I forgive you, so please also forgive me.'_

Road saw everything now. She whispered, "I will never forgive you, Neah."

_Don't forgive me! I hate you Neah! Come back to me! _

Road felt her body being ripped apart. She kept having this pain even when she was in her virtual form. She buried her fluffy face into the Earl's shoulder, trying to rub away the non-existing tears.

"Are you alright, Road?" asked the Earl.

"Yes, I'm fine." Road looked up and replied with a smile. She pulled herself together and continued to watch Allen struggled between Kanda and Alma.

There was no way Allen could get both Kanda and Alma under control in his current state. Neah could, and with ease. Road felt helpless. She wanted to help Allen but she couldn't join in the battle in her current form. She looked over to Wisley but the psychic was suffering from a terrible headache because of Allen's brutal breakout.

"Come out, Fourteenth! I can stop all this, if you come back to us!" the Earl made a tempting offer to Allen. Of course, the Earl could stop Alma with just a simple command, terminating all the killings by Alma here.

Allen stopped to listen. Road could tell Allen was losing the fight. He was badly hurt and she was getting anxious. Was he really considering this offer? It was obviously a trap! Road knew very well that once Allen returned to the Noahs, he would be forced to awaken as Neah.

Wait... why should she care if Allen was gone?

She should be glad. With Allen Walker gone, Neah could then come back to her. This was great! But what was this feeling inside her?

Allen Walker was Neah's last trick up his sleeve. There would be no way between Neah and her. Not when they remained siblings. Allen Walker was their last hope. She still had to figure out why the Earl wanted to retrieve Allen to their side. There was no doubt the Earl wanted Neah, but what did he have in mind?

To Road's amazement, a mere human dared to ask the Earl the question she had wanted to ask. The human asked the Earl why. Why the Earl wanted to take Allen, even though he was a Noah who tried to kill him.

"Why? I want... to be by his side."

The Earl's answer stunned nearly all of those present, except Road and Wisley. Road knew exactly what the Earl had in mind now. Wisley, no doubt, had read the Earl's mind. Wisley turned to show Road a grin but she was not in a mood to reply him. So the Earl had not changed after so many years. He was still trying to do what he could do, for the best of his family. Road tried not to show her emotion. The Earl was still trying to keep Neah and her apart. He won't stop, not even when Neah had reincarnated into Allen Walker. Not even if it was Allen Walker she loved now.

"No! Even if it's difficult and near impossible, I'll still try to save everyone!"

Road felt touched when she heard Allen refused the offer. She silently cheered for him. The exorcist had decided to fight and defend what he believed in. He was just like Neah, choosing his own path and then marching down it proudly. Although not willing to admit it, Road began to admit that she actually felt something for the exorcist Allen Walker himself, and not attracted to him because he was Neah.

_'Even if it's difficult and near impossible, I'll still try to save you.'_

Neah's words echoed in her head. That was the day before the massacre. Her forgotten memories were beginning to resurface. She felt her cheeks heat up but that was impossible because she was a doll now. As she shook her head and tried to calm herself, the Earl took her off his shoulder and handed her over to Sheril. Road wondered if the Earl had sensed her feelings. She had to be more careful not to radiate her emotions when she was close to Sheril. She wouldn't want her adoptive father to go berserk over her loving an exorcist. It would be as hellish as the day the Earl found out about Neah and her.

It looked as though the Black Order was going to fall any minute now. The best of their exoricsts were fighting among themselves. What the Order sowed was what the Order reaped. It was fair justice that the Order would be destroyed by their own faults. The Noahs were just using this to their advantage. Road looked up at Sheril. He, like the Earl, was preying on Allen's actions. What were they still expecting from Allen Walker? They were not expecting Neah to just appear in the fight, were they? Road had a bad feeling. She tried to climb up and sit on Sheril's shoulder when she heard the humans screamed. She turned, her eyes searched for Allen, and she too was taken aback. Kanda stabbed Allen!

A blinding vision of the Earl stabbing Neah flashed before Road's eyes. She gave a soundless cry and struggled against her virtual body. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't transform back to her own self. She watched as Allen fell down from mid-air like a stone, hitting the floor with a dull thud. Kanda landed not far away from him. He too was in incredible shock, seeing Allen's blood splattered across the ground. Next to his boot, Allen's blood dripped from his sword-like Innocence weapon, wetting the ground with crimson. Allen sprawled on the ground, not moving. Road held her breath.

_... Get up, Allen! Please! _

Then it happened.

"YES! Thank you Kanda Yu! You helped us to release him!" cheered the Earl. "Us Noahs hate Innocence! Your Innocence hurt Allen so bad, the Fourteenth can't stay hidden anymore! Neah has awakened!"

So that was what the Earl was waiting for. Someone with Innocence to hurt Neah inside Allen Walker, forcing him out. 'Allen' was laughing hysterically now as he transformed. The power of his awakening was so strong that it wounded Alma with one blow. Road tried to call out to him, but her voice was too soft as a doll among the rackets.

_Are you coming back, Neah? What about Allen Walker?_

For a moment, Road convinced herself that she had been thinking too much. All the theories of Neah trying to live as Allen Walker, the fairytale about Neah trying to continue their love through Allen Walker, were just her wild imagination. She found herself silly for having such a naive idea. Neah was truly coming back now.

Just when she awaited Neah's arrival, he never did arrive. Allen Walker seized back control of his body almost instantly. Allen's cursed left eye was activated and reflected the soul inside Alma. Although merely for a split second before Alma interrupted Allen's revelation on his true soul, Road saw the woman inside Alma weeping. That was the woman whom Kanda loved. No, the man whose memory was transferred to Kanda had loved this woman. A man had loved a woman and they were both dead. Their love didn't blossom while they were alive. It didn't, even when their memories were awakened in their new hosts. Road found herself smiling as she watched. The woman begged Allen not to tell Kanda about her being the true soul within Alma Karma.

"He'll keep looking for me as long as he's alive. As long as he keeps looking for me... he'll still be mine. He's the only person I don't want to lose!"

The woman gasped in-between her tears. Road couldn't hear anything more when Alma decided to self-destruct, ending everything. Through her doll eyes, she watched the soul of the woman vanished in the blast. All that was left were the broken bodies of Kanda and Alma. And the cries of Allen Walker.

As long as Road still keep searching for Neah, she would always be his. Road realized that wasn't what Neah had wanted. He wanted her to move on. He wanted to move on together with her, as Allen Walker. She felt her heart was shattered. If only she could scream along with Allen.

Road wriggled and tried to slide off Sheril's shoulder. She wanted to run to Allen, to embrace him, comfort him and tell him it was alright. Everything was alright. She wanted to tell Neah that she had found him. The hide and seek game had finally ended. She had found him.

"Careful Road! Don't fall off!" said Sheril as he quickly caught Road gently with his hands. If Road could pull a face, she would have. There was no chance she could slip from under her adoptive father's nose. Her father adored her as if she was some kind of princess. She nodded as Sheril looked worriedly at her.

"I'm fine papa. I just want to stretch my legs." she cooed.

What legs? She didn't need to stretch those fluffy doll legs. But it could be a good excuse. As expected, Sheril lowered her onto the ground with care. Road gave the man a little smile as he knelt down beside her. Well, at least, she could walk forward a few steps to get a closer look on Allen.

Road was glad that Sheril did not remember what happened between her and Neah. She was also certain Sheril would disembowel Allen if he ever found out about the kiss she bestowed on the exoricst. She stood quietly and watched as Allen sent Kanda and Alma away through an ark portal. Both Kanda and Alma were now free, far away from this ugly world... not that Road would want to care.

How she wished she could do the same.

In her dreams, she did. In reality, Neah was slain and herself locked in an amaranthine dream.

Allen was now dealing with the third exorcists. Or what was left of the third exorcists. Road heard the Earl laughed. Did he find it amusing that the more Allen tried to help the third exorcists, the more the Vatican saw him as their enemy? Or was he just happy with the difficult situation he had placed Allen into? With a silent command, the Earl took the remaining third exorcists with him through his ark portals and he instructed all Noahs to retreat. Road wanted to stay but she could do nothing but to be carried away by Sheril. She knew they would come for Allen Walker again soon. Very soon.

Passing through the portal, Road couldn't hear any of the screams and cries from the humans. Although Allen's shouts faded away along with the rest of the noise, his voice lingered in her mind.

_'Even if it's difficult and near impossible...'_

Road shook her head and sighed. What should she do now? All these years, she had been looking all over the world for Neah. Now she had found him. But he was Allen Walker now. She slid off Sheril's cuddle and landed on the ground with grace. After settling in for the day, the Earl dismissed the Noahs. It had been tiring for everyone, even for Road who remained as a doll. Now she finally could transform herself back to her real self. She stretched her arms and legs as she watched the others left one by one. She nodded when Sheril told her not to be home late. Then Wisley left with Tyki too. She tried to suppress a giggle as she watched the two transformed back into their human forms: a hobo and a homeless. She was sure the men and the boy were not going to Sheril's mansion tonight. There was only the Earl left in the room now.

She strolled over to him lightly, stealing a glimpse of the Earl's face. To her surprise, tears were silently running down his cheeks as he sat down weakly into his rocking chair.

"Earl...?"

"You're still here? I'm fine Road, I'm fine."

Seeing the Earl forced out a laughter and rubbing his eyes, Road asked no more. She knelt down beside him quietly. For thirty-five years she had been with the Earl. She took his hand and patted it gently. If there's anything that could make the Earl feel better... His favourite lullaby, Neah's lullaby.

Hearing Road humming his beloved tune, the Earl closed his eyes and drifted into dreamland.

.

Road sat at the edge of his bed and watched the sleeping man. There were still tears leaking out from beneath those eyelids. She couldn't remember how many times she had seen the Earl cried silently like this. She didn't know the reason until now.

_'... I want... to be by his side.'_

Road stretched her lips into a thin line. She found herself unable to smile. How much did the Earl loved her? How much did he loved Neah? How much did he loved them both? Instead of feeling blissful, she felt something else. How much did he loathed them for being together? They had become wretched lambs. Filthy and unworthy of his love. Still, she knew from the bottom of her heart, the Earl had loved them. Road tried to hold back a sniffle. He killed Neah because he had to.

She glanced around the Earl's room. It was boundless, with infinite darkness surrounding them. She could see what was near them through the dimly lit glitters, which floated around like fireflies. Road had seen how these lights were born. They were crystals formed from the Earl's tears. She would have found them fascinating, if she hadn't feel so upset everytime she saw them. She turned to count the presents in his room. Last time she counted, there were thirty-four. Now, there were thirty-five. The Earl failed to give Neah his birthday present again. Road knew ever since he killed Neah, he had been waiting for the boy's reborn. He was so close to giving out his present today. So close... yet still so far away. She wondered what was inside those delicately wrapped boxes.

"How's he?"

Road turned to the voice. She was not surprised to see Tyki at the doorway. Tyki was the third Noah to reincarnate after the massacre. With him being with the Earl for more than ten years, Road was sure he had also felt the Earl was depressed.

"He had been crying for some time, but he's asleep now."

"Why? He should be happy he saw the Fourteenth. And what's that about him wanting to be by the Fourteenth's side?"

Road smiled silently. Of course Tyki wouldn't have known. He had not recovered the lost fragments of his memory. Maybe it was best that Tyki never find out about it. That he was... a substitute. Road kept her smile and said nothing. Little did the Noahs realised this, but Road knew. She had been with the Earl for too long. She felt pity for Tyki. The Noah of Pleasure was only to bring pleasure for the Earl. That was why she told Wisley to kept quiet on Tyki and Neah's similarity.

"You know, don't you, Road?" said Tyki with a grin. "I guess being with the Earl for over two decades makes you understand his feelings."

Road concurred in silence. Tyki should know too if he had all his memory restored.

"Makes me jealous, Road."

She was puzzled by Tyki's last statement. What was that supposed to mean? What was he jealous of? Who was he jealous of? What did he know?

"Oh, by the way," added Tyki as he turned to leave, "Sheril wasn't exactly rejoicing when the Earl ordered him and the others to protect the Fourteenth."

Road widened her eyes. Really? The Earl wanted to protect Neah? Wait, did her father knew about her and Neah? But he shouldn't have known. Maybe Sheril was just jealous of the Fourteenth, getting the most attention from the Earl. She said nothing when Tyki turned to leave. As soon as he turned his back, Road felt a jerk on the bed. The Earl had snapped open his eyes, mouth parted and gasping in pain.

"Earl! What's the matter!" she asked, fearing the Earl would have a heart attack.

"Fourteenth! Save him! He's in danger! TYKI!" gasped the Earl. His eyes widened with terror and Road knew this was serious. She ran to the door and at the same time Tyki came back.

"What's going on? Did he just called for me?" he asked, taking a peep inside the room.

"Allen's in danger! We have to go save him!" said Road as she pulled on Tyki's arm.

"Hold it! Wait a minute here, you mean the Fourteenth's in danger? " asked Tyki, slightly raising his eyebrow and chuckled.

Road could tell Tyki didn't believe her. She wasn't happy either that the other Noahs kept calling Neah 'the Fourteenth'. Neah had a name. But she couldn't really blame them. They had all the reasons in the world to hate Neah. He did betrayed them all. Ever since the massacre, the Earl had called Neah 'the Fourteenth' in front of the other Noahs. She remembered Tyki mentioned Sheril being displeased with protecting Neah too.

"This is not a joke, there's no time to lose! This is the Earl's command!"

She watched as Tyki wiped the smile off his face when he heard it was a direct order from the Earl.

"Fine! Are you coming with me?" he replied cooly, "Or am I going solo?"

Road knew the Earl intended this for Tyki. Although she was still fragile, she was worried for Allen. She wanted to tag along.

"I'm coming too."

Besides, she believed one Tyki would suffice for the rescue mission already. So there won't be any danger for her, would there? There was no need to notify other Noahs, especially Sheril. She summoned a portal door and then transformed herself back into a doll.

"Wait! You're going like this?" asked Tyki, "You want to let me do all the fighting?"

"Be a gentleman, Tyki! I'm still weak after the last regeneration. I need to save energy for emergency use!"

She smirked as Tyki reluctantly picked her up and hid her inside the hood of his cloak. They went through the portal door without any more conversations. Road felt the wind coming through the portal was stronger than usual. Was it danger she sensed up ahead? Or was it just her being in a very fragile state? For the second time in her life, she actually felt frightened.

_Please be alright... Neah..._

When they arrived to the other side, Tyki immediately went into action. Although Road couldn't see who their enemy was, she felt its supernatural presence. Tyki was playing rough and Road tried her best to cling onto his cape. Her brother's heightened emotions pierced into her soul. She cringed as she heard him sneered.

"Finally! After seven thousand years!"

_Apocryphos!_

What was the Apocryphos doing here? What was he trying to do to Allen? She struggled up Tyki's cape like a fish swimming upstream. When she reached the top, she transformed herself back to her Noah self. This was an emergency and she foresaw Tyki couldn't deal with this one alone. Someone needed to protect Allen while Tyki fought that horrid thing. She didn't have any difficulty in finding their target. Allen was petrified, sitting on the ground at the far corner of this little cell. Road couldn't believe the Vatican did this to him.

"Allen!"

Road dashed up to him and embraced him with all her might. She felt if she let go now, the boy would fade away and die. Her own heart pounded against his chest. She tried to feel his heartbeat but she only felt her own. Instead of calming down the lad, she needed to calm herself down first.

"It's alright, Allen! It's alright!"  
><em>Don't worry, I'm here now!<em>

She really thought Allen should have come with the Noahs in their last fight. Look at the state he was in now. Weak, tired and shocked.

"R-Road?"

Seeing Allen gave her a response, she let go of him. She turned back to Tyki and she was glad her brother had buried the Apocryphos' head deep into the ground. Tyki gave her a triumphant grin but she knew the fight was not over yet. Pulling Allen off the floor, Road wanted to make a run for it. She used much strength to drag him up, he was still in too much of a shock to even notice Tyki was also there.

"Noahs? Please for crying out loud! Don't just come and go as you like!" said their enemy as he climbed back up to his feet.

Road paused as she felt Allen stiffened upon the thing's voice. She felt the anger and horror radiating from Allen. No, was it coming from Neah? Whoever it was from, Road believed the best strategy was to retrieve Allen back to the ark first. They could come back to eliminate the Apocryphos when they had more reinforcement. Before she could call for Tyki, the Apocryphos had launched its attack. It pinned Tyki on the wall, piercing the Noah's palms with its Innocence. Road held her breath as she saw blood pouring out from Tyki's hands.

"S-shit...!"

"Tyki?"

"Stay away from that thing, Allen! Don't go near it!" she cried as she pulled Allen back. He couldn't help Tyki, not in the state he was in. She cursed silently as she saw Tyki was beaten. They had to get out of there fast. To her horror, Allen had darted towards the Apocryphos, activating his Crown Clown against it. Then right before everyone's eyes, his Innocence disintegrated before the presence of the more superior Apocryphos. Road was not surprised, Allen couldn't fight Innocence with Innocence. He had to go with the Noahs, he had no choice.

"You've grown into a beautiful exorcist, Allen."

What did he say? Road tried to figure out what the Apocryphos wanted.

"Come back to me! Leave 'Allen' behind, that's the only way to save him!" said the supernatural presence.

Road gasped. Was it Neah the Apocryphos had wanted?

"Come back and become one with me!"

"You're disgusting! I'll never become one with you!"

Road shrieked as the Apocryphos gave out a howl at Allen's words. Before Tyki could stop her, she had placed herself between its raised fist and Allen's body.

_NEAH!_

If there was anything she could do for Neah, she would. Even sacrificing herself for him.

Feeling no more fear inside her, she stared at the pale face in front of her. She felt a sharp pain at her body. Then the pain burst into a fiery burn. She felt a bonfire had exploded inside her. She gasped and fell back.

_N-neah..._

She felt someone caught her but she could no longer open her eyes. All she saw was darkness.

Road rubbed her eyes. She sat up and looked around. She was not back in her dreamland as she was supposed to. What was this place? It was bleak and gave her creeps.

"What have you done Road?"

Then she heard a voice. She swirled around towards the voice. He was standing at a distance. She couldn't see his face clearly in the dark but she knew the voice.

"Neah?"

She ran towards the shadow but no matter how far she ran, he was still a distance away.

"What have you done, Road? Why? Have you not found 'me'?"

"No Neah! I found you! I found you! You're-"

"No, Road, you didn't. You're still chasing a ghost from the past. You didn't see Allen Walker at all."

"Neah! Don't go! Don't leave me! Don't leave me again!"

"I'm sorry Road. I had left you... a long time ago."

Upon said, the place lit up and Road found herself inside the ark. The old ark where she and Neah had once lived in. There were bodies all around her. She knew those bloody faces on the ground. She looked up again and Neah was... holding a blood-stained sword.

"T-this... ?"

"Don't be afraid, this is only a fragment from thirty-five years ago."

"Why are you showing me this?"

"Even if it's difficult and near impossible, I'll still try to save you."

Hadn't he already saved her? Road didn't understand. Neah was showing her his memory. She could see Neah clearly now. He had grown up, as he should have if he had lived, since the massacre. Cuddling herself, she tried to stop herself from trembling. Then a man walked past her. She recognized the blade in his hand.

"Earl? Wait!"

Before she could reach out to the man, Neah had dashed at him, clutching his sword firmly in his hands.

"I'll kill you and become the Millennium Earl!"

"NO! NEAH!"

Road screamed. With her being locked up in Neah's room that day, she didn't know what happened and survived the killings. Now, she finally knew. She had known Neah had slain the family, but she did not know it was Neah who first attacked the Earl. Neah forced the Earl to kill him. She saw the tears in the Earl's eyes as he released Neah from his sword. Then the man held onto Neah as he sank to the ground. Road couldn't bear the Earl's howls. She could feel the pain radiating from the Earl, shooting mercilessly into her heart. Those were the howls she had heard that fateful day as she broke out from Neah's secret chamber.

"Why Neah? Why? What about Road?"

Road heard the Earl asked. She used to believe it was the Earl who separated them. Neah smiled.

"Is it because of Mana?" the Earl hissed in-between sniffles.

Neah's lips trembled and he whispered into the Earl's ears.

"I love Road, so much that I have killed and died for her!" Neah inhaled sharply, "I love Mana so much too, but I will fight and live for him."

Road heard it all, loud and clear, as if Neah was whispering directly into her ear.

"But Road loved you more! She even disobeyed me for you!"

"Please protect her, my Earl. She must walk on, no matter what happens, she must live. I have to save her."

"Is that your wish, Neah? Even if she hates you for it?"

"... I don't want to hurt her. I never wanted to. But I don't want her to hurt Mana..."

Road remembered. Her own sealed off memories. She had threatened to kill Mana. Neah told Mana about their relationship and Mana was less than approving than the Earl. She remembered it all now. She had hated Mana, thinking he would take Neah away from her.

Road understood the path she and Neah were taking was forbidden. But how could he do this to her? Did he just committed suicide? And the grievous guilt he forced upon the Earl for killing him! She felt angry. How could Neah chose to shoulder the sin by himself! They should both be damned. Neah shouldn't try to save her. So that was what he meant by leaving her. Instead of screaming, Road found herself crying. The last thing Road saw was the Earl weeping over Neah's body. Then everything went into darkness again. She wiped away her tears and looked around desperately, trying to locate Neah again. But he was no where to be seen.

_'Keep walking, no matter what happens... don't stop, not even for me.'_

Road found herself growing up. She wasn't the little girl anymore. She wanted to move on and find 'Neah'. She had decided to end this hide and seek game. The place began to slowly lit up and she saw a familiar face in front of her.

Road spent nearly all of her strength just to lift her eyelids.

"Allen... Walker?"

The place was dark but she could figure out they were in a forest. So they had escaped from the Apocryphos? Where was Tyki? Was he alright? She saw Allen Walker kneeling in front of her. He was very worried and she could see the shimmer in his eyes. She wanted to laugh at him, he was such a cry baby. If only she could raise her hand to wipe his tears. Just once more, she wanted to kiss him and hold onto him. How blind she had been. Allen was right there all this time but she was only chasing Neah's shadow. She had finally won the game. She had truly found him.

Allen was leaning in close, reaching for her. But she knew he would be too late. She felt her body starting to fade away. There were still so much she wanted to say to Allen but she ran out of time. She couldn't just leave him like this. Allen mustn't go look for her. The last thing she wanted was a hide and seek game between Allen and her. History mustn't repeat itself, at least not for Allen.

"Don't stop, keep walking..." she forced the words out of her lips. Allen mustn't feel guilty and he must let her go. Just as she now finally learnt to let Neah go. She did what she could. She told him their secret.

"I loved Neah and he died for me," she whispered, "but Neah loved Mana and he fought for him."

"Road?"

_... if you also love me, fight for me, Allen. _

There was no more strength in her and she slowly closed her eyes. As she faded back to her own world, she felt Allen's hand passed through her arm as he tried to grab her. His cry still lingered in her ears after he disappeared from her eyes. Road found herself back in her wonderland once again. The safe Eden the Earl had kept her in. She looked up at the moon above.

It was no longer a full moon but a new moon.

Until next time when she meet him again.

-The End-


End file.
